The Ugliest Dump In The World

Entire rental unit in San Francisco, California

  1. 4 guests
  2. Studio
  3. 2 beds
  4. 1 bath
Hosted by Merkley
  1. Superhost
  2. 10 years hosting

Listing highlights

24-hour self check-in

Check yourself in with the lockbox whenever you arrive.

Vibrant neighborhood

This area is walkable with lots to explore, especially for dining out.

Merkley is a Superhost

Superhosts are experienced, highly rated Hosts.
Message me about the 30 day minimum nonsense.

You'll hate it here. San Francisco is terrible. Nobody likes this city. The food is blech, the weather is awful, there are packs of wild dogs and flocks of screeching parrots coming at you from all directions.

Every street is an uphill climb both ways.

Seriously, the hills actually switch depending on which direction you go and every 45 minutes there's an earthquake that opens up the earth beneath your feet swallowing up all your friends.

The space
This house is OLD. It was built in 1885 by some weirdo named William Crocker who thought victorians were pretty neat. Boy was he some sort of narcissist, he ran for mayor in 1909 and came in 3rd.

What a loser.

Nobody ever bothered ripping out all the fancy details that come with victorians so you'll be surrounded by all that bullshit, plus the guy that has owned the place for the last 20 years is some bearded guy named Merkley. He is writing about himself in the third person. He thinks people like interesting things and details so he made the apartment reflect that sort of nonsense.

Have fun rolling your eyes.

Guest access
It has all the stuff that studio apartments have except it has all this annoying extra space that most studio apartments don't have, it's big enough to be a one bedroom but Merkley is dumb and didn't set it up like that.

Beyond that you can access your imagination to imagine things that aren't even there so that's sorta cool.

Other things to note
If you need the quietest apartment in the entire world, good news, those exist somewhere else. Good luck!

This apartment has city noises, you know, on account of being in a big city on a street where cars go. A pretty busy street even, busier than many, not as busy as some.

Ever seen cars?

Some of them are cool. When this house was built there weren't any cars, just horses, If you look out the front window you'll see modern cars driving by and you can imagine them sliding around in mud and horse poop, crashing into old timey buggies and children.

History.

No extra charge.

Registration Details
City registration pending

What this place offers

Kitchen
Wifi – 32 Mbps
Pets allowed
40 inch HDTV with Fire TV
Bathtub

Select check-in date

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Rated 4.87 out of 5 from 186 reviews.

Guest favorite
This home is a guest favorite based on ratings, reviews, and reliability
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Overall rating

  1. 5 stars, 88% of reviews
  2. 4 stars, 11% of reviews
  3. 3 stars, 1% of reviews
  4. 2 stars, 0% of reviews
  5. 1 stars, 0% of reviews

Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars for cleanliness

Rated 4.9 out of 5 stars for accuracy

Rated 5.0 out of 5 stars for check-in

Rated 5.0 out of 5 stars for communication

Rated 4.9 out of 5 stars for location

Rated 4.8 out of 5 stars for value

Where you’ll be

San Francisco, California, United States
This listing's location is verified and the exact location will be provided after booking.

Neighborhood highlights

Ok how lame is this, if you hover directly above San Francisco on a map and you click the little + button to zoom in, you basically land on this house.

Dead effing center of SF.

So obnoxious that it's so convenient.

You know what I'm talking about.

Meet your host

Superhost
186 reviews
4.87 out of 5 average rating
10 years of hosting
Lives in San Francisco, California
I'm pretty fantastic. In a good way.

Merkley is a Superhost

Superhosts are experienced, highly rated hosts who are committed to providing great stays for guests.

Host details

Response rate: 100%
Responds within an hour
To help protect your payment, always use Airbnb to send money and communicate with hosts.

Things to know

Cancellation policy
House rules
Check-in after 3:00 PM
Checkout before 12:00 PM
4 guests maximum
Safety & property
Exterior security cameras on property
Carbon monoxide alarm
Smoke alarm

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