Slumber School @ The Dream Asylum

Entire rental unit hosted by Merkley

  1. 4 guests
  2. Studio
  3. 2 beds
  4. 1 bath
Entire home
You’ll have the apartment to yourself.
Enhanced Clean
This Host committed to Airbnb's 5-step enhanced cleaning process.
Self check-in
Check yourself in with the lockbox.
Message me about the 30 day minimum nonsense.

You'll hate it here. San Francisco is terrible. Nobody likes this city. The food is blech, the weather is awful, there are packs of wild dogs and flocks of screeching parrots coming at you from all directions.

Every street is an uphill climb both ways.

Seriously, the hills actually switch depending on which direction you go and every 45 minutes there's an earthquake that opens up the earth beneath your feet swallowing up all your friends.

The space
This house is OLD. It was built in 1885 by some weirdo named William Crocker who thought victorians were pretty neat. Boy was he some sort of narcissist, he ran for mayor in 1909 and came in 3rd.

What a loser.

Nobody ever bothered ripping out all the fancy details that come with victorians so you'll be surrounded by all that bullshit, plus the guy that has owned the place for the last 20 years is some bearded guy named Merkley. He is writing about himself in the third person. He thinks people like interesting things and details so he made the apartment reflect that sort of nonsense.

Have fun rolling your eyes.

Where you'll sleep

Common space
1 double bed, 1 sofa bed

What this place offers

Kitchen
Wifi
Pets allowed
TV
Indoor fireplace
Hair dryer
Dedicated workspace
Long term stays allowed

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4.86 out of 5 stars from 179 reviews

Cleanliness
Accuracy
Communication
Location
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Value

Where you’ll be

San Francisco, California, United States

Ok how lame is this, if you hover directly above San Francisco on a map and you click the little + button to zoom in, you basically land on this house.

Dead effing center of SF.

So obnoxious that it's so convenient.

You know what I'm talking about.

Hosted by Merkley

  1. Joined in March 2014
  • 179 Reviews
  • Identity verified
I'm pretty fantastic. In a good way.

During your stay

Like I said earlier, if you wanna talk to Merkley he's a half decent talker. If you don't want him to talk and you just want to talk AT him, he's not a very good listener but he is a pretty good goer awayer.

Plus, you have your own space, he'll be downstairs, you don't even have to see him if you don't want.

If you know morse code you could tap out insults on the floor above his head. He doesn't know morse code. He is D dash U dash M dot.
Like I said earlier, if you wanna talk to Merkley he's a half decent talker. If you don't want him to talk and you just want to talk AT him, he's not a very good listener but he is…
  • Policy number: City registration pending
  • Response rate: 100%
  • Response time: within an hour
To protect your payment, never transfer money or communicate outside of the Airbnb website or app.

Things to know

House rules

Check-in: After 3:00 PM
Checkout: 12:00 PM
Self check-in with lockbox
No smoking
No parties or events
Pets are allowed

Health & safety

Committed to Airbnb's enhanced cleaning process. Show more
Airbnb's social-distancing and other COVID-19-related guidelines apply
Carbon monoxide alarm
Smoke alarm
Security Deposit - if you damage the home, you may be charged up to $333

Cancellation policy