Ladies and gents, you are welcome to smoke, but only on the front and back porches.
Please remove high heels, stilettos, or any footwear that will pit my wood floors. The floors have been lovingly restored, and I want to avoid damages. If you plan to cha-cha-cha in the living room or dining room, please do so in your socks.
Please keep food out of the bedrooms. Did you see the photos of my kitchen? It's huge!